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Fathers, we need you.

We cannot separate the Month of love from Men’s conference. I wish it were not just a social movement, but a real thing. Where fathers could gather and have heart-to-heart conversations with each other.
There are a lot of issues to be discussed about fatherhood, and I believe the message would be clear when it comes from a fellow father instead of a woman.

Fathers, we need you.

Seeing schoolmates brag about the gift their fathers bought for them used to bother me a lot. My heart would fume with anger whenever I saw a father dropping off one of their children at the gate. At times I would try to suppress the anger inside me because emotions can only take so much.
I just had to be strong and accepted my situation.

Did I mention that my father was present? No, I didn’t! He was present, alive, and we lived with him. Sadly he was not like any other fairytale father who takes his girls out for late-night supper. He was a typical African man who would be present in a child’s life, but absent emotionally. He was not actively involved in our lives.

He abused alcohol which made him act dreadfully towards everyone in the house. My mother could not bear the situation any longer as it would affect us negatively. She decided to move out with us and left my father behind. After we moved out of where we lived with my father, our lives changed for the better.
It was not easy because my mother now had full responsibility on her own for my siblings and me. We were more at peace than when we stayed with both of them.

Until I started maturing, I understood the importance of a father in a child’s life.
Fathers play a vital role in raising children. From my own experiences and discoveries, I realized the difference between children whose fathers are absent and those whose fathers are present.
Those with present fathers are generally respectful, gentle, understanding, and loving because of the discipline that they got from their fathers. And those without fathers tend to be angry, resentful, rebellious, and sometimes violent. The pain of not having a father is so much that they feel a sense of belonging amongst their peers and sometimes influence them to do vile things like substance abuse and gangsterism. I am a product of being raised by a single mother, and I turned out quite ‘well’ ( the struggle is real, hahaha). Not every child turns out bad, but the majority of them prove that they usually fall on the bad side of the law, and the behavior is not so pleasing.

The easiest way to solve some of the social issues we encounter in society is if fathers take responsibility for their children. We do not say they should get back together with their ‘baby mamas’, but to co-parent and work together as a team for the sake of their children.

The absence of my father made me strong and brave. I grew up knowing I had to look out for myself because no one would, besides me.

A father is someone who protects, loves, and nurtures. A father is a best friend to his children and the first love to his girl child. A girl child should experience fatherly love firstly from his father before she experiences any other type of love from any other man. Some men wish they were fathers, but they do not have. It looks like being a father is a privilege and a gift not given to everybody. Treasure it while there is still time.


And what are your experiences with absent fathers? How was your childhood growing up with/without a father?

Please do not forget to like, share and comment on the post. Thank you in advance.

From my heart to yours
Cheers!!

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. Happy Panda

    Thank you for sharing your story, sis!
    I think parents play a very big role in how we turn out as adults. While the burden often falls on the mother to raise the child, I see that that pattern is now changing and more fathers are taking up an equal role in their kid’s life.
    Over the past 2 years, I’ve been confronting all the baggage that I have accumulated from my childhood. While my dad was an active part of our childhood, he did have his own unresolved baggage from his childhood that he passed on to us. Baggage such as self esteem issues, wanting people to appreciate him etc. In his parenting style, he passed on that baggage to us something that I’m still working with a therapist to get through. But having said that, he has provided my sister and I, with everything we could ever need or want and for that I’m eternally grateful.

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Ohhh, sis, you are the one who taught me to be real, authentic, and vulnerable. You have rubbed that factor in me and I can never be more grateful than I already am.

      Thank you so much
      Fathers do play a vital role in our lives. And like you said, there are many lessons to unlearn which we have accumulated from our childhood. There is a lot of baggage that I believe should be dealt with before we pass them on to our children. I applaud you that you are in the process of healing and in learning lessons that you accumulated from your childhood.
      I take hats off for active fathers because it’s not easy to be a father in this world. The harsh realities of life catch up with them and they can only do much. From what they have done so far, no matter how impactful they are, I applaud them. Hats off to your father for raising both of your love with his imperfections. I love you sissy

  2. wendaswindowcom

    When we do not have earthly father’s that we can count on, it hinders the way we see our Heavenly Father. We have a Heavenly Father Who loves us more than we can understand. He will always be there for us, and we can rest in His arms. He is what we need now and forever. Great words from your heart as always Shazzy!

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Thank you so much mommy
      Our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally. Thank you for this reminder. It’s sometimes difficult to remember this when life is crumbling down on your face, when everyone is rambling about their fathers and you got none. I’ve learnt to trust and believe that my Heavenly Father loves me and that’s what made me strong over the years. I love you mommy

      1. wendaswindowcom

        You have had to learn a very hard lesson. I am still learning. I did not have a Father to count on. I find it much easier to lean on Jesus. You are so mature and always a blessing to me!

        1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

          He is a dependable Father. Thank you so much for this great reminder.
          The “I am, that I am”.

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Love you too

  3. Evidence Mutumbu

    This message of fatherhood helped to be where I am in life.
    It’s very key

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      That’s amazing mate. Hope you keep at it and be the best father to your children. We applaud fathers like you in our generation. How many children do you have?? I do not have any, as yet.

        1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

          Yesss I do remember your cute little son.

  4. Lebogang dear, that was a greatly insightful writeup on the virtues of fatherhood! Benefitted a lot👌

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Thank you so much
      Big ups to all the present fathers. The world is nothing without you. I hope for all men to gather and just enlighten each other and be there for each other

        1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

          I truly agree with you
          Thank you so much

  5. Janice Reid

    Thankfully my dad was always there and still is, but I’ve seen some single mothers do some awesome jobs of raising their kids alone, but you’re right having both present and “present” is even better. Kudos to good parenting!

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Most children who are raised by both parents are likely to turn out well and indeed we should appreciate single parents because they do endure a lot and it’s not easy.

      I’m so glad that both your parents were present

  6. simba frank

    I’m glad you managed to turn a negative experience into lemonade most people who grew up fatherless tend to harbour bitterness toward men in general but you managed to see the upside

    1. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji

      Yes I did hey and thank you so much. It was not easy though. I had to find a way to make the best out of the situation I found myself in. I had to grow quickly

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